recovery.

Hello again everybody.

Life has been very stressful nowadays because there's just too much to be handled. Feelings, studies, final exam, homesickness, financial problems and ugh you name it I kinda have all kinds of problems. I've never been as stressful as this in my entire 19 years of living, until the extent that I feel like all of this is just too much. So I just gotta find a solution to untangle every emotions, confusions, and unanswered questions in my whole existence.

At first, I tried ignoring all the problems that I'm facing and focus on what my true purpose of coming to college is. It didn't work out but I'm pretty sure it was worth a try though. Then I decided to take things more seriously and be slightly uptight to myself like for example, if I don't cure my procrastinating syndrome, will I ever get anything done on time or not? Frankly, it kinda worked for me but it lasted only for a few hours before I found myself lying on the floor beneath the ceiling fan trying to cool off the heat I had inside of me.

So one day while I was busy scrolling through twitter, I saw something that really make sense and catches my attention. I finally came to a conclusion; "pick yourself up and face the reality". Goddamit, for a second I thought that I was the most clever human being in the world. I mean like nothing makes more sense than the quote. Instead of letting myself lie on the ground to decay slowly, why don't I stand up and kick this crazy nuisance out of my life? That would be like the best thing to do to an 'almost-murderer' right? Hahahaha.

It has been 3 days already since I last wrap myself in my blanket and drain tears from my eyes. Obviously this method of holding on to a quote somehow is extremely helpful. Therefore, I officially denounce myself in a recovery phase.

goodnight earthlings. xoxo

clinomania

Hello people.

today is my 2nd day of my so called study week which frankly I haven't done any revisions at all. life's been tougher nowadays with the upcoming final exam, unexpected pubertal mood swings, heart breaks and most of all, the sucky feeling of 'homesick'. ugh I really dont know why is it always towards the end of the semester that I started to get all these problems. I need someone or something to help me get out of this mess and to help me to get this pain off my chest.

my original plan for today was to study and revise at least one out of 8 subjects but I am just too lazy to read literally anything. I just wanna be comforted by my dearly blanket, good internet connection and a nice cup of hot coffee (gosh how I miss hanging out in Starbucks with my good friends in KK).

lately I always have the need and ultimate desire to stay in bed. even though I don't feel like sleeping or whatever, I solely fancy to be on my bed, under my blanket all the time if I can. maybe I have this clinomania thingy going on. jeez. okay so it is starting to drizzle as we speak, I guess I'm going to go wrap myself like a burrito using my fluffy bedspread and drown into a deep sleep.

goodnight earthlings.

pretty clueless.

   Ever since the day I told you that I have a crush on you, I was expecting something from you. I wished that you would at least never do anything that would hurt my feelings when I see you with him. But maybe it is still partially my fault because I pretended that I was 'fine' whenever you hold him in your arms by the waist. Then you cuddled him so passionately that you seem like you're already lost inside your own fantasy that you kept on dreaming of all these while. You were so drunk in love with him that I can't do anything anymore to have your attention back.

   I really thought you'd understand my situation and the condition that I'm living with in my everyday life. Unfortunately enough, I was wrong to the core. You don't understand a thing about the pain that I'm facing. Although you always tell me that you are worried about me, about how my feelings can change everything, I still am not certain that you really comprehend of those words you said to me. I mean like, come on, if you know what you're talking about I don't think you would act this way. You wouldn't tell me updates about your relationship with him. You wouldn't tell me how he makes you happy and how he makes your world go upside down. You really should not tell me things like that if you actually care about my feelings. Time after time, your words and actions gradually brought me to the extent that I cannot bear seeing you with someone else.

   Do you still remember that time when I told you that I need to keep some distance between us but you asked me not to distance myself away from you because you wouldn't like the change that would happen? Yeah I obeyed you but look at what it did to me? I get hurt more and more every single day, to the point that I'll have to cry hard in order for me to drown in my sleep. I bet you didn't realize of how swollen my eyes are nowadays because you're too busy being in love with him.

  At the same time, whenever our skins touch I still feel the same sentimen that we had when you were still under my halo. And when our eyes meet, it somehow made me believe like it was our first time setting eyes on each other. You always give me this weird kind of bloodrush whenever we're together, alone. Your face is fucking perfect and your facial bone is beyond imaginary. Let's not forget about your absolutely beautiful hair which always got me wondering and daydreaming whenever I look at you. Simply put, you are one hell of God's creation and I cannot stop admiring you from time to time.

   Now, I feel pretty clueless because I don't know whether I should be angry at you or should I just let you be or should I just do both and go on with being hurt all the time. One thing for sure, you are my one and only eye candy.

can't find the words to tell.

   I know we've only known each other for about 3 weeks by now but like every love story goes, since the first time we made eye contact, I started to feel this huge crush towards you. It felt like the world around me stopped revolving for a while and the one and only person that I could focus on is you. Yeah I know this sounds obviously ironic like in any romantic movies or books that I'm pretty much sure we've all had read. But I don't really care because I can't find the right and original words to tell you about how I felt. I just hope that we'll always be in touch through thick and thin and yeah whatever it takes for me to get you into my "love zone".

Goodnight.

unhappy

another 2 more weeks to go before my technical training takes place. these hours and seconds left really needed to be spent wisely. balancing between family and friends is definitely ain't easy. for sometimes I prefer to be with my friends rather than with my family and vice versa. 

I'm really sad for the fact that I may not be going back to Sabah during this upcoming Hari Raya celebration because of the expensive and all time hiking flight ticket price. It kills me slowly everyday for I can't imagine how will I stand not celebrating Hari Raya with my loved ones. and perhaps I should avoid scrolling through my instagram feeds because I'm pretty sure that people will upload pictures of them enjoying their Hari Raya celebration next to their loved ones and I'm also really sure that I'll get jealous. 

currently waiting for my allowance to be banked in to my account. my friends say we should get the allowance by this week but I don/t really think that way though. hmm I seriously need money. 

bye. 

never like in the movies.

Because of my heavy procrastination, I am now in rusty and dusty state of mind. I can't really think fast and how to construct a good post. I'm getting really slow nowadays. And for that, I might have to write everyday so that my I can get back to my optimal 'brain-speed' (if that's even a word). 

I've seen too many movies that at some point in my life, I pretend like I'm in a movie. Not in those happy movies, but more to the sad ones. Usually in movies, they made it somehow a whole lot easier to find love and to keep love until eternity. I mean like two strangers bumped into each other and coffee spilled on both of them. Then both of them got really mad because at the same time they were late for work. After a few minutes in the movie, voila, they fell in love! From being mad towards each other, they suddenly got rid of the anger and fell in love with one another! And the next thing you know, they decided to get married! Don't you see it yet? How easy it is to find love in movies? 

However, if you wake up and open your eyes and come back to reality, it is NEVER THAT EASY! You get to go through loads kinds of problems and obstacles and dilemmas and complications and misunderstandings and many more to come! Can't you see that it ain't always the same as it is in the theaters? Hahh. That's why I kinda regret of watching too many movies and to believe in everything that I watch. At the end of the day, all of it were just lies and dishonesty. It's definitely hard to find love and to help it to remain as long as possible. I don't wanna talk more of this because this will just be my next never ending rants. 

Thanks for reading! 

xoxo

of night breeze and street lamps.

Now Playing on repeat - Fireside by Brett Bixby

I can't really remember when was the last time I go out to enjoy the night breeze, seeing the city lights, listen to good music, meeting good friends, hearing good stories, and most of all breathing in flavorful shisha. What I can recall is the feeling that comes along with the experience.

Being a semi-adult is one of the life-stages that is not easy to be dealt with. There are college pressure, relationship pressure, parents pressure, peer pressure, and life pressure. Yes, everything is about the never ending pressure. But what deviates all of us from being the same boring person is the way we compromise with the pressures. For some people, they would rather hurt themselves, thinking that it would make their problems a bit lighter. While some other would rather do it the healthier way, which is to talk to someone about their complications. And then here comes the people whom mix all of the methods together. What I'm trying to say is that they do it both sick and healthy way. I see these people as the 'inventive ones'. Don't ask me why because even I don't understand why did I label them that way. 

Okay enough with those illogical analogy that actually has nothing to do with what I wanna write now. 

During my high school years, frankly enough I was the naive boy. I did everything good and left everything bad. Or in other words, I was stupid and immature. Then, a few months after I left high school, a bunch of my friends introduced me to some 'horrible' activities. They convinced me (well I was curious too) to try shisha. And that was my first night out with friends without any parental advisory. 

At first I was kinda scared and anxious of how it would taste like and how it would affect my lungs. Plus, I think doing shisha is not a really healthy thing to do. But for the sake of my curiosity, I did it anyway. After my very first puff of shisha, I felt as if I was slowly floating into the air. Then right after a few sniffs, I started to feel so light and airy which made me sang songs that even I don't know it was in my repertoire. Hahaha but yeah all of my friends laughed hard at my lame reactions towards the gassy flavorful thingy. 

As I got deeper into the night, I realized about the wonders of the nightlife in city. You get to see the street lamps. You get to know how it feels like when the chilly night breeze hits your skin. You get to listen to good musics that you've never heard before. You get to see how do some people act at night. You get to know lots of new stuffs and live up to new experiences. That's how good it is to be outside of the house at night. 

It's not necessary for you to do shisha at night to feel the fascination of nightlife in city. And you don't really need to be with your friends. You can also be all by yourself to notice the bewilderment. 

So yeah, I think that's all for now. 

Open up your eyes and start looking for new experiences instead of being in the same old boring box. 

#NowPlaying

Okay, I have to admit that the Divergent movie really did give a stupendous effect on my taste of songs. I used to be the kind of guy who listens only to RnB, ballad, and pop. But since I watched Divergent, a new kind of sound came in through my ears which is electro house musics! Frankly speaking, I seriously hated the genre of the music. Plus, the music arrangement is kinda too heavy and mind boggling for me. However, everything changed just because of the Divergent movie soundtracks! Zedd's Find You was tremendously awesome, and same goes to Ellie Goulding's Beating Heart which happens to be in the same genre as Zedd.

I really thought that electro house musics do not contain meaningful lyrics but clearly I was wrong! They even have deeper meanings instead of simple ones! I won't let my mouth do the talking, but here you go, I'll let the music speaks for itself. 

Find You - Zedd ft. Matthew Koma & Miriam Bryant

Ellie Goulding - Beating Heart

So yeah, aside from Zedd and Ellie Goulding, I also have been listening to Paramore. From their first album, live performances until their latest album which was self entitled. Below are my favorite Paramore songs:

Paramore - Part II

Paramore - Last Hope

Paramore - Ain't It Fun

I guess those are all for now. Oh and I've been keeping up to date to this new reality tv show from astro which is "The Band". It's actually a good show to be watched because you'll see the vast improvements of some of the contestants and it also includes 1 contestant from Indonesia and 1 contestant from Singapore which are still in the running of becoming the first Malaysian singing group to be exposed to the whole wide world (As far as I'm concerned of). Anyways, for more info on this show, you can log on to www.theband.com.my . 

Don't forget to follow me on twitter and instagram : @schafic 

And don't forget to check out my covers on Soundcloud as well, just type in 'syafiqabdullah' in the search box and my account shall appear immediately after that. Thanks for reading! 

I really like you.

I really like it when you know what you're doing. I  really like it when you try to brush off the awkwardness and the tension between both of us. I really like it when you're honest with me. I really like it when you smile. I really like the fact that you know so much about me and that you try to understand me as deep as you can. I really like it when we share that same weird but full of secrets gaze. I really like it when you start talking about how your day was and how you're feeling. I really like everything that you do. If only I could keep every piece of you in a box and make you mine. Life would totally be happier.

Getting Over Your Ex / Crush?

Hello everybody. I don't know why the hell am I posting this kind of stuff into my blog because I have never done anything like this before. Ya know, the kind of posts which gives ideas and tips on how to do this and that. It's as if I'm experienced enough to give tips. Despite my lack of experience, I just had the sudden urge to share with you guys on how to get over your so called ex or crush for a certain period of time. I can't guarantee you forever though. hahaha

# 1: KEEP AWAY FROM LOOKING AT PICTURES OF YOU BOTH. 

I know there has been a lot of people who suggests that deleting those picture of you and her/him is the best way to erase him/her from your mind and your whole entire life. BUT, don't you think it's such a waste to delete those beautiful and perfect captured memories? I mean, some of you may have worked their asses off just to take a picture with their crush because we all know how hard it is right? hahaha. As for those who were already in love, I also think that you don't necessarily have to delete those wonderful memories because one day later when you finally got over him/her, you will eventually laugh over the past. For the mean time, just keep those photos in a hidden place or even better, ask your best buddy to hide those photos from you. This will surely help you in getting over the love if you remain disciplined and focused. 

# 2: DECREASE THE AMOUNT OF CONTACT

It is undeniably true that you still keep his/her phone number, you still follow him/her on twitter and instagram just to get his/her latest update right? You're so curious to know whether he/she has found someone better and someone newer than you. The thing you should really start doing is to lower the amount of contact. Just hit the unfollow button and stop sending ruthful messages as you know that the feeling is not the same anymore between you guys. So just suck it up cause by hook or by crook you'll find someone way prettier and way hotter than your current ex.

# 3: STOP LISTENING TO SAD SONGS.

I'm pretty sure that the contents of your playlists are nothing but sad songs and songs which reminds you of your ex. Believe me, it will never take you anywhere. It will only make things worse and make your life even worser that it is.Well people, it's time to shake things out with songs like these:

Icona Pop // I Don't Care

Notable lyrics:

I don't care, I love it.
I don't care.

The All American Rejects // Gives You Hell

Notable lyrics:

When you see my face,

Hope it gives you hell,

Hope it gives you hell

Carly Rae Jepsen // Tonight I'm Getting Over You

Notable lyrics:

I wanna touch your heart,

I wanna crush it in my hands

Cee Lo Green // Forget You

Notable lyrics:

And although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a...
Forget you!

Kristina Debarge // Goodbye

Notable lyrics:

I don't care if I never see you again
I'll be alright
Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together
But either way, baby, I'm gone

Ashley Tisdale // It's Alright It's Okay

Notable lyrics:

It's alright it's okay,

I'm so much better without you,

I won't be sorry

Man Overboard // How To Hide Your Feelings

Notable lyrics::

Gotta hole in my head that stretches from ear to ear
I dug it out because I couldn't take the fear
And if I can't think
Well I guess I can't sink down
And I won't waste another year

Your Biggest Mistake // Ellie Goulding

Notable lyrics:

You know this is your biggest mistake
What a waste, what a waste, what a waste
And of all the things you never explained
You know this is your biggest mistake

# 4: KEEP YOURSELF BUSY.

This one tip here is very popular among all tips that I've ever heard of because it really does give a good impact. Attend to music classes, find a job, start baking, start cooking, start farming I don't care what you're gonna do but as long as it will keep your hands off of your phone and your mind off of the thoughts of your ex. The point here is that you really should keep your mind focused on something else instead of remembering the dusty memories of you and your ex. Try it to believe it. 

Well there you have it people, 4 tips on getting over your ex or your crush. Truth be unfolded, the only thing that's keeping you from getting over someone is yourself. You have to be stronger than you are now because in the end of the day nobody will help you unless you help yourself out. Enough playing with those memories and start focusing on something new that will assist you in getting over those feelings and affections and emotions that is no longer there to linger with you. Just remember to stay focused, stop reminiscing, stay positive and most of all believe in yourself that you can do it. 

Thanks for reading, Goodnight! 

p/s : I personally love the song choices that I stated above because all of them really worked out for me. 

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pretty much clueless

I knew I didn't want to go back Sabah when I realized of how boring and dull it will be if I go back home. Basically, I will have to stay home alone and not having anyone to talk to. Most of my friends are still in college by the time get back home and that makes it even more boring because I won't have any purpose to go out. To make things a little bit more sadder, I don't have a driving license and a car. Yeah my life sucks and freaking boring I know it. 

Being the first child ain't always like how you think it would turn out to be. I don't get treated like one, I don't get what I want, I don't get what others get and I don't enjoy my life as much as I enjoyed living with my friends. Living with your friends definitely feels way different than living with your family. It is as if you are free to do anything you'd like. Try living with your friends lah then you'll know how much more fun it is rather than to stay home with family. I'm NOT saying that I hate my family okay. It's just that they're not that outgoing. 

I'm too bored to write anymore. I'll continue later perhaps with something else. Currently reading the perks of being a wallflower. 

Gravity.

I have tried my very best to not to have feelings for you since the day I realized that 'we' are never going to happen. I even stopped talking to you for a while but NOTHING seems to work! I don't know what you are or where you came from or how do you keep me falling for you every second of every day. But one thing for sure, you keep on making me falling hard for you, just like GRAVITY. 

Everyday I thought to myself of how magical and mysterious you can be as you keep me without chains and you hold me without touch. Whenever we're near, I have this sudden urge to sit next to you and talk to you as if nobody is around. And again I must say, you are somehow some kind of gravity. You always have this something that will bring me back to you, no matter what I say or do, I will always stick with your attraction. 

All I want is for you to let me be, and set me free. I'm done with falling into your gravity because one thing that you would always do is bring me down to my knees, begging for your love. 

But still, at the end of the day I'm the one who will always come back to you even though how hard you try to make me see that you're not into me.