pretty clueless.

   Ever since the day I told you that I have a crush on you, I was expecting something from you. I wished that you would at least never do anything that would hurt my feelings when I see you with him. But maybe it is still partially my fault because I pretended that I was 'fine' whenever you hold him in your arms by the waist. Then you cuddled him so passionately that you seem like you're already lost inside your own fantasy that you kept on dreaming of all these while. You were so drunk in love with him that I can't do anything anymore to have your attention back.

   I really thought you'd understand my situation and the condition that I'm living with in my everyday life. Unfortunately enough, I was wrong to the core. You don't understand a thing about the pain that I'm facing. Although you always tell me that you are worried about me, about how my feelings can change everything, I still am not certain that you really comprehend of those words you said to me. I mean like, come on, if you know what you're talking about I don't think you would act this way. You wouldn't tell me updates about your relationship with him. You wouldn't tell me how he makes you happy and how he makes your world go upside down. You really should not tell me things like that if you actually care about my feelings. Time after time, your words and actions gradually brought me to the extent that I cannot bear seeing you with someone else.

   Do you still remember that time when I told you that I need to keep some distance between us but you asked me not to distance myself away from you because you wouldn't like the change that would happen? Yeah I obeyed you but look at what it did to me? I get hurt more and more every single day, to the point that I'll have to cry hard in order for me to drown in my sleep. I bet you didn't realize of how swollen my eyes are nowadays because you're too busy being in love with him.

  At the same time, whenever our skins touch I still feel the same sentimen that we had when you were still under my halo. And when our eyes meet, it somehow made me believe like it was our first time setting eyes on each other. You always give me this weird kind of bloodrush whenever we're together, alone. Your face is fucking perfect and your facial bone is beyond imaginary. Let's not forget about your absolutely beautiful hair which always got me wondering and daydreaming whenever I look at you. Simply put, you are one hell of God's creation and I cannot stop admiring you from time to time.

   Now, I feel pretty clueless because I don't know whether I should be angry at you or should I just let you be or should I just do both and go on with being hurt all the time. One thing for sure, you are my one and only eye candy.

can't find the words to tell.

   I know we've only known each other for about 3 weeks by now but like every love story goes, since the first time we made eye contact, I started to feel this huge crush towards you. It felt like the world around me stopped revolving for a while and the one and only person that I could focus on is you. Yeah I know this sounds obviously ironic like in any romantic movies or books that I'm pretty much sure we've all had read. But I don't really care because I can't find the right and original words to tell you about how I felt. I just hope that we'll always be in touch through thick and thin and yeah whatever it takes for me to get you into my "love zone".

Goodnight.

unhappy

another 2 more weeks to go before my technical training takes place. these hours and seconds left really needed to be spent wisely. balancing between family and friends is definitely ain't easy. for sometimes I prefer to be with my friends rather than with my family and vice versa. 

I'm really sad for the fact that I may not be going back to Sabah during this upcoming Hari Raya celebration because of the expensive and all time hiking flight ticket price. It kills me slowly everyday for I can't imagine how will I stand not celebrating Hari Raya with my loved ones. and perhaps I should avoid scrolling through my instagram feeds because I'm pretty sure that people will upload pictures of them enjoying their Hari Raya celebration next to their loved ones and I'm also really sure that I'll get jealous. 

currently waiting for my allowance to be banked in to my account. my friends say we should get the allowance by this week but I don/t really think that way though. hmm I seriously need money. 

bye. 

never like in the movies.

Because of my heavy procrastination, I am now in rusty and dusty state of mind. I can't really think fast and how to construct a good post. I'm getting really slow nowadays. And for that, I might have to write everyday so that my I can get back to my optimal 'brain-speed' (if that's even a word). 

I've seen too many movies that at some point in my life, I pretend like I'm in a movie. Not in those happy movies, but more to the sad ones. Usually in movies, they made it somehow a whole lot easier to find love and to keep love until eternity. I mean like two strangers bumped into each other and coffee spilled on both of them. Then both of them got really mad because at the same time they were late for work. After a few minutes in the movie, voila, they fell in love! From being mad towards each other, they suddenly got rid of the anger and fell in love with one another! And the next thing you know, they decided to get married! Don't you see it yet? How easy it is to find love in movies? 

However, if you wake up and open your eyes and come back to reality, it is NEVER THAT EASY! You get to go through loads kinds of problems and obstacles and dilemmas and complications and misunderstandings and many more to come! Can't you see that it ain't always the same as it is in the theaters? Hahh. That's why I kinda regret of watching too many movies and to believe in everything that I watch. At the end of the day, all of it were just lies and dishonesty. It's definitely hard to find love and to help it to remain as long as possible. I don't wanna talk more of this because this will just be my next never ending rants. 

Thanks for reading! 

xoxo

of night breeze and street lamps.

Now Playing on repeat - Fireside by Brett Bixby

I can't really remember when was the last time I go out to enjoy the night breeze, seeing the city lights, listen to good music, meeting good friends, hearing good stories, and most of all breathing in flavorful shisha. What I can recall is the feeling that comes along with the experience.

Being a semi-adult is one of the life-stages that is not easy to be dealt with. There are college pressure, relationship pressure, parents pressure, peer pressure, and life pressure. Yes, everything is about the never ending pressure. But what deviates all of us from being the same boring person is the way we compromise with the pressures. For some people, they would rather hurt themselves, thinking that it would make their problems a bit lighter. While some other would rather do it the healthier way, which is to talk to someone about their complications. And then here comes the people whom mix all of the methods together. What I'm trying to say is that they do it both sick and healthy way. I see these people as the 'inventive ones'. Don't ask me why because even I don't understand why did I label them that way. 

Okay enough with those illogical analogy that actually has nothing to do with what I wanna write now. 

During my high school years, frankly enough I was the naive boy. I did everything good and left everything bad. Or in other words, I was stupid and immature. Then, a few months after I left high school, a bunch of my friends introduced me to some 'horrible' activities. They convinced me (well I was curious too) to try shisha. And that was my first night out with friends without any parental advisory. 

At first I was kinda scared and anxious of how it would taste like and how it would affect my lungs. Plus, I think doing shisha is not a really healthy thing to do. But for the sake of my curiosity, I did it anyway. After my very first puff of shisha, I felt as if I was slowly floating into the air. Then right after a few sniffs, I started to feel so light and airy which made me sang songs that even I don't know it was in my repertoire. Hahaha but yeah all of my friends laughed hard at my lame reactions towards the gassy flavorful thingy. 

As I got deeper into the night, I realized about the wonders of the nightlife in city. You get to see the street lamps. You get to know how it feels like when the chilly night breeze hits your skin. You get to listen to good musics that you've never heard before. You get to see how do some people act at night. You get to know lots of new stuffs and live up to new experiences. That's how good it is to be outside of the house at night. 

It's not necessary for you to do shisha at night to feel the fascination of nightlife in city. And you don't really need to be with your friends. You can also be all by yourself to notice the bewilderment. 

So yeah, I think that's all for now. 

Open up your eyes and start looking for new experiences instead of being in the same old boring box. 

#NowPlaying

Okay, I have to admit that the Divergent movie really did give a stupendous effect on my taste of songs. I used to be the kind of guy who listens only to RnB, ballad, and pop. But since I watched Divergent, a new kind of sound came in through my ears which is electro house musics! Frankly speaking, I seriously hated the genre of the music. Plus, the music arrangement is kinda too heavy and mind boggling for me. However, everything changed just because of the Divergent movie soundtracks! Zedd's Find You was tremendously awesome, and same goes to Ellie Goulding's Beating Heart which happens to be in the same genre as Zedd.

I really thought that electro house musics do not contain meaningful lyrics but clearly I was wrong! They even have deeper meanings instead of simple ones! I won't let my mouth do the talking, but here you go, I'll let the music speaks for itself. 

Find You - Zedd ft. Matthew Koma & Miriam Bryant

Ellie Goulding - Beating Heart

So yeah, aside from Zedd and Ellie Goulding, I also have been listening to Paramore. From their first album, live performances until their latest album which was self entitled. Below are my favorite Paramore songs:

Paramore - Part II

Paramore - Last Hope

Paramore - Ain't It Fun

I guess those are all for now. Oh and I've been keeping up to date to this new reality tv show from astro which is "The Band". It's actually a good show to be watched because you'll see the vast improvements of some of the contestants and it also includes 1 contestant from Indonesia and 1 contestant from Singapore which are still in the running of becoming the first Malaysian singing group to be exposed to the whole wide world (As far as I'm concerned of). Anyways, for more info on this show, you can log on to www.theband.com.my . 

Don't forget to follow me on twitter and instagram : @schafic 

And don't forget to check out my covers on Soundcloud as well, just type in 'syafiqabdullah' in the search box and my account shall appear immediately after that. Thanks for reading! 

I really like you.

I really like it when you know what you're doing. I  really like it when you try to brush off the awkwardness and the tension between both of us. I really like it when you're honest with me. I really like it when you smile. I really like the fact that you know so much about me and that you try to understand me as deep as you can. I really like it when we share that same weird but full of secrets gaze. I really like it when you start talking about how your day was and how you're feeling. I really like everything that you do. If only I could keep every piece of you in a box and make you mine. Life would totally be happier.