My Backbones.

They might not be perfect but they are indeed the best. We study together and hopefully we'll succeed together. I love all of them and I'm happy for having them here in college with me. If any of you guys read this, I LOVE YOU. muah muah

Procrastination.

Hello people.

  Since I got back into college 3 weeks ago, I've gotten lazier day by day and I, myself don't even like it. Imagine living only with your friends without your parents guidance and assistance, it takes time for you to get used to it. But if you're the type of guy who depends on your parents every day, then it should be really hard for you to get used to the situation. Well thankfully I ain't that type of kid and I can stand on my own without my parents' assistance 24/7. Yeah

This semester, the lecturers have already warned us that all of us should quit fooling around and start focusing on finishing our assignments before the deadline. At first, I got really motivated to the point that I did my homeworks, revisions and everything so perfectly on time. HOWEVER, it only lasted for A WEEK. I don't even know what has gotten into me at that time. As far as I could recall, most probably it was because of my 'homesick' disease that is gradually becoming strong as we speak. You see, when I get homesick, I tend to be a terrible lazy ass. For instance, if get too lazy, I would dare to skip my prep classes and skip any meals of the day. I know its bad but I just can't help but to just go with the flow.

Anyhow, I'm starting to notice that my life is getting messier and stressful as each day goes by without any warning. After doing some research on my self, it is all because of this thing called 'Procrastination'. If you don't know what is the meaning of Procrastination, let me give you the definition.

PROCRASTINATION: The act of delaying or postponing something.

So basically this act of postponing and delaying is just something bad and an enormous time consumer. Same goes to my story, I've been delaying most of my works including the most important ones such as my final year project, paperworks, lab reports that is due a week after the experiment, my laundries, replying text messages and my bath time and also my workout sessions. Instead of doing those important stuffs, I sleep.
This thing has seriously got a grip of my life and now I'm trying so hard to let it go. I'm supposed to be at class doing my works and stuffs but hey look at where I'm at now? In my room, leaning my back against the wall, eating cakes and drinking a can of chilled Milo.

Watching other people rushing to get their works done also got me annoyed sometimes. I mean like hey you have 24 hours a day and you can finish that work for only like an hour! Why burden yourself if you have plenty of time to be spent other than finishing your works? I'm not being a pessimist here but I'm thinking things like how they should be thought of so that I could avoid stress and other things. Just to say this but if you try to take things slow and procrastinate a bit, I'm sure you'll feel more alive and relaxed. BUT, don't ever procrastinate for more than 3 days because believe me, you'll start to get furious and stressed at the same time. You'll start blaming yourself for delaying things at the first place, and you'll end up staying up late every night until you submit your works. I've done this before and it's better if I share it with you guys right?

Well, I guess that's a bit about procrastination today because I'm off to do my works so that I won't get stressed up again for I know how bad it is. Thank you for reading, and may you have a great week ahead! Au Revoir!

Satisfied.

Hello people. :)

Last week I retrieved my result via the college's students portal and my result was pretty amazing since I've never been this 'clever' back in secondary school. Hahahaha. Hell yeah I was extremely nervous while waiting for the result to come out. It was more nerve wrecking than waiting for my SPM result earlier this year. Well I bet you people want to know what's my result right? Here you go,

Just in case you can't see clearly, my CGP is 3.89 and I was very shocked and excited and truly happy when I knew it. But I still can't believe that I managed to get as colorful as this result.

I just finished watching The Mortal Instruments right as we speak. I couldn't sleep so I decided to watch movies. So basically the movie pretty much caught my full attention and it really kept me awake throughout the entire 2 hours of screening. This movie is filled with romance and action and magic and that's what kept my eyes wide open. The genre suites me well as far as I could see. Same goes to the movies 'I Am Number Four' and 'Beastly'. These 2 are my most favorite movies ever since puberty. Hahahaha. I must've thought that these kinds of movies shows my level of maturity which is not that matured anyway. :p

In conclusion, Mortal Instruments was da bomb and my result was awesome! So happy and SATISFIED. I think that's all for today, I'm going to bed. Goodnight people! :D

Lonely

Hello people.

It has been weeks since I last posted any entries and it was all because of procrastination.

So it is now 3:53 am in the morning and I just woke up because of a bad dream. That bad dream left me wide awake and now I am unable to go back to sleep. While I'm wide awake, I've been thinking of how happy I would be if there's someone in my life who cares for me just like how my parents do. Instantly I speak to myself that I would be happier than I am in present. But sadly enough, I don't have anybody else who cares for me just like how my parents do. All I have is my parents.

It's not like I'm being ungrateful or what, but I somehow feel envy of few of my friends who can get someone to love them besides from their own parent. And this thought somehow left me feeling lonely. Yes. I am feeling lonely in the middle of the night. I bet those who has girlfriends/boyfriends can easily call their partners to calm them down at times like these. While you guys enjoy your sweet talks with your partners, here I am still feeling lonely and isolated.

I once feel so loved and cared by someone and it felt so good thoroughly. However, that was last time. Now, when I even tried to reach out to that person, I don't get any reply. It's like I'm forgotten and stoned. The fact that I miss the person who used to care and love me is really bugging me and sometimes I feel so aggravated just for the sake of this terrible fondness.

Until now, I am still feeling lonely and isolated and forgotten. I hope someday my luck will change and happiness will kick in to my life.

Goodnight. :)

I Don't Know. Maybe I Miss You.

I don't know what did I do wrong. I don't know what actually happened. I don't know why did you suddenly neglected me. I don't know why in all of a sudden you went silent. I don't know why in all of a sudden you started to glare at me. I don't know what makes you unhappy. I don't know what will make you come back. I don't know when will we start talking. I don't know how will we survive. I don't know what will happen to us in the future. I don't know how to handle with this situation any longer. I DON'T KNOW. 

   Once, we were considered as a thing. Even though it was only for a short period of time but still, memories were made and feelings grew. I miss your jokes. I miss your smile. I miss your smell. I miss your voice. I miss you face. I miss your style. I miss your personality. I  miss your thoughts. I miss sharing problems with you. I miss the times when we used to laugh together. I miss the time when we used to sit next to each other. I miss those moments when you made me smile. I miss the way of how you used to make me smile even when I'm mad. I miss the way you made my friends jealous of what we had. In other words, I miss everything about you and me. 

   Not talking to you isn't something to be proud of or something to feel happy for. It is something we call as neglect. It ain't easy for me to stop talking to you after all we've been through together. I tried to break down the walls of my egoistical creature. However nothing happened. It was such a waste of time and pride. I've tried to live without your humor and positivity and I failed. Nothing seemed to work when you're not around. Now I'm feeling down and helpless at the moment. Been trying to go to sleep without tears swelling and falling from my eyes. Yet again not any of my attempts worked out. 

   I just hope that we could relive those moments back in the golden days. I miss you so badly and I can't stand watching you talk to everyone else except me. I don't want to hate you. I never want to hate you. I just want things to be the way it was. I hope you're doing fine without me. Although at times I caught you staring at me secretly. But I don't dare to make any assumptions. I don't wanna get hurt. If you're reading this, I miss you. Thanks for the memories. All the best in your way. :) 

Hello College.

This one is going to be just a quick update about where I'm continuing my studies now and what's happening in my life currently. 

Okay, now I'm currently continuing my studies in the foundation level here in Kolej MARA Kuala Nerang, Kedah. I'm taking foundation in science and technology or most likely known as foundation in engineering. It has been almost a month after I registered here. Good news, I'm not the only one from Sabah. There are a few of my friends of the same school. 

I was kind of fascinated when I first got into this so called 'college life'. My first thought on college life is that we will never be attached with those shitty rules ever again, we can arrange our own timetable, pick our own roommates, and most of all, the eternal freedom. But I was wrong. 

WE STILL HAVE TO FOLLOW THE RULES.

WE CAN'T ARRANGE OUR OWN TIMETABLE.

WE CAN'T CHOOSE OUR OWN ROOMMATES.

and last but not least,

WE CAN'T HAVE THAT ETERNAL FREEDOM. 

It is kind of stressful for me because I'm not the kind of person who loves following rules and regulations. And I'm not the kind of person who'd like their classes be arranged by someone. And I'm not the kind of person who can cope up easily with new environment and new friends. I need time and space. On top of everything, all I want is FREEDOM. Living with rules is just so like secondary school. I hate it. 

As for my love life, I'm having a crush on this one person in particular but still the person doesn't and will never know about my feelings. As always. 

I guess that's all for this quick update. Its already 1:06 am and I need to sleep. Goodnight people! :)

Having A Coke With You - Frank O'Hara

I'm missing my friends. Among my friends, there is someone whom I have a crush on. So that makes it a combo. I miss my crush and my friends. Haha. I'm still spending my holidays at home hoping that some kind of miracle would happen and take me away to somewhere fun and memorable. It's killing me slowly to sit home and do nothing. Literally, nothing at all. So, last morning, Beastly was on HBO. Since there was nothing better to watch, I stayed on that channel. There was this one particular scene of the movie where both Kyle and Lindy was at the rooftop and they read 'Having A Coke With You' poem. Okay in my opinion, this scene is so romantic and so deep. This is my favorite scene throughout the entire movie. Here's the poem :

Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Here's a picture :