Sunday, December 28, 2014


Hello again everybody.

Life has been very stressful nowadays because there's just too much to be handled. Feelings, studies, final exam, homesickness, financial problems and ugh you name it I kinda have all kinds of problems. I've never been as stressful as this in my entire 19 years of living, until the extent that I feel like all of this is just too much. So I just gotta find a solution to untangle every emotions, confusions, and unanswered questions in my whole existence.

At first, I tried ignoring all the problems that I'm facing and focus on what my true purpose of coming to college is. It didn't work out but I'm pretty sure it was worth a try though. Then I decided to take things more seriously and be slightly uptight to myself like for example, if I don't cure my procrastinating syndrome, will I ever get anything done on time or not? Frankly, it kinda worked for me but it lasted only for a few hours before I found myself lying on the floor beneath the ceiling fan trying to cool off the heat I had inside of me.

So one day while I was busy scrolling through twitter, I saw something that really make sense and catches my attention. I finally came to a conclusion; "pick yourself up and face the reality". Goddamit, for a second I thought that I was the most clever human being in the world. I mean like nothing makes more sense than the quote. Instead of letting myself lie on the ground to decay slowly, why don't I stand up and kick this crazy nuisance out of my life? That would be like the best thing to do to an 'almost-murderer' right? Hahahaha.

It has been 3 days already since I last wrap myself in my blanket and drain tears from my eyes. Obviously this method of holding on to a quote somehow is extremely helpful. Therefore, I officially denounce myself in a recovery phase.

goodnight earthlings. xoxo

Tuesday, December 23, 2014


Hello people.

today is my 2nd day of my so called study week which frankly I haven't done any revisions at all. life's been tougher nowadays with the upcoming final exam, unexpected pubertal mood swings, heart breaks and most of all, the sucky feeling of 'homesick'. ugh I really dont know why is it always towards the end of the semester that I started to get all these problems. I need someone or something to help me get out of this mess and to help me to get this pain off my chest.

my original plan for today was to study and revise at least one out of 8 subjects but I am just too lazy to read literally anything. I just wanna be comforted by my dearly blanket, good internet connection and a nice cup of hot coffee (gosh how I miss hanging out in Starbucks with my good friends in KK).

lately I always have the need and ultimate desire to stay in bed. even though I don't feel like sleeping or whatever, I solely fancy to be on my bed, under my blanket all the time if I can. maybe I have this clinomania thingy going on. jeez. okay so it is starting to drizzle as we speak, I guess I'm going to go wrap myself like a burrito using my fluffy bedspread and drown into a deep sleep.

goodnight earthlings.

pretty clueless.

   Ever since the day I told you that I have a crush on you, I was expecting something from you. I wished that you would at least never do anything that would hurt my feelings when I see you with him. But maybe it is still partially my fault because I pretended that I was 'fine' whenever you hold him in your arms by the waist. Then you cuddled him so passionately that you seem like you're already lost inside your own fantasy that you kept on dreaming of all these while. You were so drunk in love with him that I can't do anything anymore to have your attention back.

   I really thought you'd understand my situation and the condition that I'm living with in my everyday life. Unfortunately enough, I was wrong to the core. You don't understand a thing about the pain that I'm facing. Although you always tell me that you are worried about me, about how my feelings can change everything, I still am not certain that you really comprehend of those words you said to me. I mean like, come on, if you know what you're talking about I don't think you would act this way. You wouldn't tell me updates about your relationship with him. You wouldn't tell me how he makes you happy and how he makes your world go upside down. You really should not tell me things like that if you actually care about my feelings. Time after time, your words and actions gradually brought me to the extent that I cannot bear seeing you with someone else.

   Do you still remember that time when I told you that I need to keep some distance between us but you asked me not to distance myself away from you because you wouldn't like the change that would happen? Yeah I obeyed you but look at what it did to me? I get hurt more and more every single day, to the point that I'll have to cry hard in order for me to drown in my sleep. I bet you didn't realize of how swollen my eyes are nowadays because you're too busy being in love with him.

  At the same time, whenever our skins touch I still feel the same sentimen that we had when you were still under my halo. And when our eyes meet, it somehow made me believe like it was our first time setting eyes on each other. You always give me this weird kind of bloodrush whenever we're together, alone. Your face is fucking perfect and your facial bone is beyond imaginary. Let's not forget about your absolutely beautiful hair which always got me wondering and daydreaming whenever I look at you. Simply put, you are one hell of God's creation and I cannot stop admiring you from time to time.

   Now, I feel pretty clueless because I don't know whether I should be angry at you or should I just let you be or should I just do both and go on with being hurt all the time. One thing for sure, you are my one and only eye candy.