Tuesday, December 23, 2014

pretty clueless.

   Ever since the day I told you that I have a crush on you, I was expecting something from you. I wished that you would at least never do anything that would hurt my feelings when I see you with him. But maybe it is still partially my fault because I pretended that I was 'fine' whenever you hold him in your arms by the waist. Then you cuddled him so passionately that you seem like you're already lost inside your own fantasy that you kept on dreaming of all these while. You were so drunk in love with him that I can't do anything anymore to have your attention back.

   I really thought you'd understand my situation and the condition that I'm living with in my everyday life. Unfortunately enough, I was wrong to the core. You don't understand a thing about the pain that I'm facing. Although you always tell me that you are worried about me, about how my feelings can change everything, I still am not certain that you really comprehend of those words you said to me. I mean like, come on, if you know what you're talking about I don't think you would act this way. You wouldn't tell me updates about your relationship with him. You wouldn't tell me how he makes you happy and how he makes your world go upside down. You really should not tell me things like that if you actually care about my feelings. Time after time, your words and actions gradually brought me to the extent that I cannot bear seeing you with someone else.

   Do you still remember that time when I told you that I need to keep some distance between us but you asked me not to distance myself away from you because you wouldn't like the change that would happen? Yeah I obeyed you but look at what it did to me? I get hurt more and more every single day, to the point that I'll have to cry hard in order for me to drown in my sleep. I bet you didn't realize of how swollen my eyes are nowadays because you're too busy being in love with him.

  At the same time, whenever our skins touch I still feel the same sentimen that we had when you were still under my halo. And when our eyes meet, it somehow made me believe like it was our first time setting eyes on each other. You always give me this weird kind of bloodrush whenever we're together, alone. Your face is fucking perfect and your facial bone is beyond imaginary. Let's not forget about your absolutely beautiful hair which always got me wondering and daydreaming whenever I look at you. Simply put, you are one hell of God's creation and I cannot stop admiring you from time to time.

   Now, I feel pretty clueless because I don't know whether I should be angry at you or should I just let you be or should I just do both and go on with being hurt all the time. One thing for sure, you are my one and only eye candy.

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